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kinda slipping into that dark place again.
i just dont even know what to do.
Livejournal is dead but I cant seem to let mine go. i've been going through and reading a lot of my old posts lately and i really miss some of those times. its funny how much changes in 5 years.


life has been treating me super well for the past few weeks, or rather i've found joy in people who have been around me this whole time. just had to open my eyes wide :)
hope life is going well for all of you people out there who still get on this thing. a big congratulations goes out to erin!

on to a sadder note, rip george. i hadn't talked to you in a good while, but the memories i have of you are awesome. only u could break your leg while skiing and not shed a tear or even let it ruin your trip. love ya man

anyways, maybe i won't go 5 months without another post. we'll see.
its amazing how something as great as snow can bring back so many awful memories.

Nov. 8th, 2007

nothing in life is ever what you expect. i'm really tired of trying to keep up with all the mind games. my new life policy:
i'm gonna do what makes me happy. if you want to be a part of it, then you will be. I just can't keep stressing about what everyone is thinking and whther or not they are ok.

ugh. some things jus don't change.

I am going to miss every single one of you. I couldn't really think of the right words to say how much you've meant to me over the years. most of yall have been there for me numerous times, whether it was to make me laugh, or to tell me i was wrong... so here's my thoughts towards all of you..

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?
And because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.



I'm tired of being disappointed. 
recluse adventure '07 begins..... now.

I have my copy of Jane Eyre and the rest of season two of Grey's Anatomy to occupy my time for now.

Here I go, off to the land of fictional characters. (sadly enough i feel closer to them then half of my friends)

Amelia is spending the night tonight.. my lil sis a big girl now. she has boobs.  and she's going to city stages unattended. this still freaks me out a little.

crackle crackle.

might as well have gone to hell.

has been a disappointment so far.

The Future...
should stay there, just out of reach.

get better...

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
Never again
Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you